peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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