true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
