he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
