it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
