Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
