everyone is single if you try hard enough
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
