the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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