he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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