Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
