I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
