ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
