i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
