the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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