I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
