Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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