All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
