Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
