Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
