Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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