I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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