I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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