I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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