She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
