My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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