I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
