She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sex in a hospital.. check
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
