Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is classic penis vs brain.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
