felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Damn victory sex feels great
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
