Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
