You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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