I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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