google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
