what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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