3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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