roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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