Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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