Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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