Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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