Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
