shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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