ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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