I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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