Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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