No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.