Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.