When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."