We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.