Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

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(937): View more from Ohio

The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(715): View more from Wisconsin

I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.

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(585): View more from New York

if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.

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(517): View more from Michigan

You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.

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