I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"