Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she looked like the before picture.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.