Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.