Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
