My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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