If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Buhtt sex?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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