I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
