it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your penis caused this!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
