You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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