Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
