is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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