.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
