At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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