Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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