I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
