so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
