Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
