Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
