It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
