More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
