And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
