i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
