haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
