i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
